Wastage

      I was at my regular doctor’s office the other day for my first physical in about 4 years. With all the time I spent at the OB/Gyn and in surgery over the past few years, I just hadn’t had it in me to go for a good ole-fashioned physical, so I was due. As we were talking and updating my medical history she asked how many pregnancies and how many children, typical questions (I had just fielded the very same question the week before from my OB/Gyn’s nurse. Um, really? That isn’t in my file? Or are you afraid I’m suffering early onset dementia and this is your test question to see if I remember things?). Anyway, it wasn’t a surprise question from my doctor because I hadn’t kept her in the loop during that whole period. When I told her 5 pregnancies and two healthy children she gasped and murmured, “Three wastage . . .” Then she apologized profusely, explaining that it was a scientific term, etc. (I told her not to worry, I had heard a lot worse, which was true), but it really got me to thinking.

                Wastage.  Is there any better term for a miscarriage? For me it certainly sums up the experience better than most of the other scientific terms. Spontaneous abortion – that one sounds like I was out shoe shopping and on a whim decided to throw in the loss of a baby. “Yeah, it was a totally spontaneous thing . . .” Incomplete abortion – oops, we ran out of time and just couldn’t finish up with this one . . . . Really. They use the same terminology as they do when it is a choice to terminate a pregnancy (a choice that I think the government should stay out of, for the record. I think that decision should be between the mother and father and their consciences. But that’s just my humble opinion).  Wastage, on the other hand, really encapsulates it into one neat little word. The waste of life. The waste of hope. The waste of dreams. The waste of love I had for these little ones that I never got to meet.  Almost three full years (and one amazing, healthy baby) later and the thought of these losses can still bring me to tears. It’s like a sucker punch to the gut, sometimes. Wastage. That’s exactly what it is.